Saturday
Dec052009
A Conversation with L.L. Bean
Saturday, December 5, 2009 at 6:44PM
Not the L.L. Bean. He would have probably agreed with me… or punched me in the face. One way or the other he would have had a strong opinion. Most likely he would have talked me into buying more stuff. Entrepreneurs are good like that.
flickr photo by dclemm. creative common licensed content.
I call the 800 number. I want to order a shirt for my uncle for Christmas. Not just any old shirt. A Hurricane Cloth shirt made of wind and water resistant sturdy cotton lined with plaid flannel. Rugged and durable, they last forever even if you’re like my uncle and live on a ranch. Not IN a ranch, ON a ranch where cattle forage the countryside, horses are in the corral and coyotes slaughter wandering rabbits and feral cats.
This is no Black Friday special. $59.95. But hell, he’s worth it.
Found it in a catalog mailed right to my door, all curled up, nurturing the gas bill. Also found within said catalog’s contents –
$10 L.L. Bean gift card for every $25 and over purchase.
The phone call:
L.L. Bean? OK. I know you’re not L.L. Bean because you ma’am, you are a woman. Yes, I am astute that way.
I would like to order a shirt. Not just any shirt – a Hurricane Cloth shirt. Forest green. Do you need the color number? No, forest green is forest green. Size? Tall… and Large. Make it extra large. That way it can act as a fall coat too. But not in the Cottonwoods near the creek. Fall’s deer hunting season you know. Unless it’s bright orange, he’ll get popped.
You don’t think so? Lost a few cows that way. If Mr. Winchester can’t tell the difference between cattle and deer, surely he’d put a 30-aught-6 in old Uncle Bob.
Yes ma’am, always thinking.
59-95. What it says here too. I’m good with that. Plus tax and shipping. Good with that too. Now he won’t know I got gift cards with the purchase right? Good. Don’t want him to think I’m cheap.
But really, 59-95 and twenty bucks in gift cards? That’s pretty darn good.
Ten dollars? Only ten? Really?
Oh, I have it right here. Ten dollar L.L. Bean gift card for every twenty-five dollars and over purchase. Ergo, over fifty would be twenty, correct?
Oh. OH. I see it. One per purchase, one per day. Gotcha.
OK. So here’s the deal. I will order the front half of the shirt today, the back half tomorrow. Oh you laugh. Yep. There’s that thinking again. Are we good? No? Still one bill? Aha. So split it. Not the shirt, the bill.
Can’t? Sure you can. It’s nearly Christmas. Where’s your spirit?
The billing department has no spirit, but you do. Aha.
I would like to talk to Leon Leonwood? Who? That’s Mr. Bean. Old L.L. himself. He’s dead? Deer hunting season, right? February? Ice fishing I am sure. Probably wore white and no one saw him.
Are you laughing again?
OK. You talked me into it. Can you break a hundred?
flickr photo by dclemm. creative common licensed content.I call the 800 number. I want to order a shirt for my uncle for Christmas. Not just any old shirt. A Hurricane Cloth shirt made of wind and water resistant sturdy cotton lined with plaid flannel. Rugged and durable, they last forever even if you’re like my uncle and live on a ranch. Not IN a ranch, ON a ranch where cattle forage the countryside, horses are in the corral and coyotes slaughter wandering rabbits and feral cats.
This is no Black Friday special. $59.95. But hell, he’s worth it.
Found it in a catalog mailed right to my door, all curled up, nurturing the gas bill. Also found within said catalog’s contents –
$10 L.L. Bean gift card for every $25 and over purchase.
The phone call:
L.L. Bean? OK. I know you’re not L.L. Bean because you ma’am, you are a woman. Yes, I am astute that way.
I would like to order a shirt. Not just any shirt – a Hurricane Cloth shirt. Forest green. Do you need the color number? No, forest green is forest green. Size? Tall… and Large. Make it extra large. That way it can act as a fall coat too. But not in the Cottonwoods near the creek. Fall’s deer hunting season you know. Unless it’s bright orange, he’ll get popped.
You don’t think so? Lost a few cows that way. If Mr. Winchester can’t tell the difference between cattle and deer, surely he’d put a 30-aught-6 in old Uncle Bob.
Yes ma’am, always thinking.
59-95. What it says here too. I’m good with that. Plus tax and shipping. Good with that too. Now he won’t know I got gift cards with the purchase right? Good. Don’t want him to think I’m cheap.
But really, 59-95 and twenty bucks in gift cards? That’s pretty darn good.
Ten dollars? Only ten? Really?
Oh, I have it right here. Ten dollar L.L. Bean gift card for every twenty-five dollars and over purchase. Ergo, over fifty would be twenty, correct?
Oh. OH. I see it. One per purchase, one per day. Gotcha.
OK. So here’s the deal. I will order the front half of the shirt today, the back half tomorrow. Oh you laugh. Yep. There’s that thinking again. Are we good? No? Still one bill? Aha. So split it. Not the shirt, the bill.
Can’t? Sure you can. It’s nearly Christmas. Where’s your spirit?
The billing department has no spirit, but you do. Aha.
I would like to talk to Leon Leonwood? Who? That’s Mr. Bean. Old L.L. himself. He’s dead? Deer hunting season, right? February? Ice fishing I am sure. Probably wore white and no one saw him.
Are you laughing again?
OK. You talked me into it. Can you break a hundred?
in News
News
Reader Comments (3)
Hey, found your site by accident doing a search on Bing but I'll definitely be returning. As for your post... I agree with a lot of what you're talking about but wouldn't it be just as easy to try something else? I mean why mess around with your quality of life if you don't have to?
omg that was hilarious! lovez it
Sorry my english, but this is great site, I wil add to my favorites.